There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
