Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
