is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I could make wine with my vomit
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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