Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
