Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
