we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
