You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
