Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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