can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
