so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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