Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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