i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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