Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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