this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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