I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
