That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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