$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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