listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My life is pants optional.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
