ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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