I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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