Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
