I got chris browned last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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