mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
