so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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