Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
