seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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