I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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