No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
