Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
