I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
