what day is it and did you see me today?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
