She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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