hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
