i barfeds in our rink
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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