I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
