Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize