I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
