Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
