Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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