i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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