Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
