well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
