Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
