if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
