Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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