I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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