genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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