this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
