Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
