i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
