When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
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I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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