I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize