Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
