i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize