Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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