he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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