My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
