I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
