Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
