Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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