Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You left your phone here
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