Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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