Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize