how can u be prego again
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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